Humor – Is Santa Claus really Satan? Apparently some people think so.
C.K.: I added Satire to the beginning of this story title. The linked to site, Landoverbaptist.org is not actually church-related. From that site's about page: "The Landover Baptist Church website is not intended to be viewed by minors or anyone under the age of 18. Landover Baptist Church is copyright 2000 - Americhrist Ltd."
2006-12-21 08:42:36
Some supplemntal material:
Saint Nicholas, a Patron Saint of the Orthodox Church.
To those that contend the person never existed, are
very, very wrong! This person, Saint Nicholas now has several names across the world.
However since the late 1800's, the term 'Santa Claus', has become nothing more than gifts for each other. The American version has made this the commercial event of the year.
Frankly we do NOT enjoy the American version of Christmas. Not only the commercialism, but church groups for the most do not even tell the story correctly.
The celebration of Christmas as Hanukkah, are not commanded by the Holy Scriptures. However that can be an awe and a sense of the Presence of the LORD, as we revere Him.
To those whom think this all emotion. That is your own personal loss, you do not know what and who you are missing!
Wish all of you well.
* Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
It's satirical. It is supposed to be exactly that. Demented drivel, unfortunately I've heard stuff like this from some real churches.
This however, is just supposed to be funny. And it is.
I would be incline to agree with you if the story didn't have the Landover Baptist Church as the source. I don't think this author is kidding. Of course I'm not familiar with them.
Of course, your comment leads me to believe you.
You could not possibly be familiar with Landover Baptist Church - or ANY church, based on your Secularist posts.
Landover Baptist Church is in one town over.
They are led by Preacher Billy Ray Copperfield, wife Estella, and Decon Uriah.
I myself find them a bit too Liberal.
This is wickedly funny, as are some of the 'ads' on the side of the page...a WWJD thong for a stocking stuffer? ROFL!
Yes, the Jesus Thong was FAR funnier than requesting we scream out at the mall santa line that santa is nothing but a demon ready to drag their little bodies screaming down to hell.
Though, to actually SEE someone do that at the mall might be amusing, as long as I wasn't the one who had to mop up all the blood.
Baptists give me nightmares =(
One day, this entire nation will be Baptist.
George Bush was just the first Conservative Christian to lead our nation.
I envision Baptist Judges, Senators, Representatives, and Presidents - all from the Southern Baptist tradition.
Believe me, you will (we ALL will) be much happier.
With Baptists as leaders of our nation - you can be assured that God is speaking through them.
And since God speaks in tounges, and only born again Christians can understand 'speaking in tounges', you'll have to come to us with all your questions.
"A Tribute to Strom Thurmond: The Last True Christianâ;¢ Senator
"I wanna tell you, ladies and gentlemen, that there's not enough troops in the army to force the southern people to break down segregation and admit the ****** race into our theaters and swimming pools, into our homes and into our churches - Mr. Thurmond ..."
The above quotation comes from this "crippling funny site"! Not my kind of humor. Those of us who are black and blog on Netscape will surely find this despicable, as they should.
(Continue to laugh)
"Landover Baptist will utilize a screening process invented by wealthy, educated colored folks. 'We understand that people of color with money are just as leery of other Negroes whose ancestors were apparently so hideously unattractive that no obese, drunken white man could even bring himself to rape them,' said Pastor Deacon Fred."
The above quotation comes from this "crippling funny site"!
Pretty sick humor.
(continue to laugh)
I would like to personally apologize to you, Spade. If you find it offensive. I am not affiliated in any way with the site, however I did find that it offered insite. I have heard people in the 'Christian' community say things almost this hideous. It is not serious, it is an attempt to portray the ridiculous nature of what some people espouse.
Again, I apologize if you found my post offensive.
You all laugh but there IS a Liberal Conspiracy in this nation to undermine the values of our Children.
Maybe you don't remember Winky Dinky.
Of course you don't.
Because the Liberal Media has hidden this story.
Winky Dinky was the Gay Teletubbie.
Liberals have, and will continue to seek ways to inveigle their way into the hearts and minds of our children for one purpose, and one purpose only, to recruit them for members of their Gay Pride Marches.
I think everyone forgot about Tinky Winky (not Winky Dinky, and it is Teletubby ...) because it was a whole lot of fuss over a lot of NOTHING. It was EIGHT years ago and it is forgotten ...
I hope you are trying to be funny - because if you are not, then you have some serious problems and misconceptions and bias.
Maybe you should report Bert and Ernie (Sesame Street) to the "no aledged gay fictional characters allowed" police. They have been friends for 40 years now and I haven't heard any complaints.
Yeah, the gay teletubbie. We all know the inconceivably vast danger totally imaginary creatures with TVs in their stomachs present to the fabric of the nation.
Please, let's look at the unassailable "evidence" that this burbling monstrosity was gay.
1) The gay one was pink (the straight ones were "straight" colors, like blue and green and yellow)
2) The gay one had a triangle shaped antennae growing out of his head (the straight ones had "straight" shaped antennaes like squares and circles).
3) I guess if the yellow telletubby had a star of David shaped antenna he would be the Jewish tubby.
4) The most damning of all evidence: Every single child who ever watched the teletubbies is now gay.
Big time gay.
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Disclaimer:
I do not believe that Santa Claus is the Great Deceiver.
I wonder if, in fact, some people do. Either this is really funny or it is truly appalling.
Merry Christmas, either way.
This is entirely true.
Our church completely abhors Santa Claus.
We do indeed call him Satans Claws - because that's what happens to those who believe in him.
Believe in Santa, and Satan will put his Claws into you.
And when Satan has his Claws in you, it's like trying to kick crack.
Or so I've been told.
yeah this guy isnt for real. But I remember now why I stopped going to church. I remember being a little boy going to church and hearing stuff kinda like this and halloween? oh man forget it. The church is so hung up on the birth of Jesus but in reality Jesus was born in the summer. Anything that doesnt have to do with Jesus is bad in the eys of the church nevermind that Christmas makes children happy and it may even spread (gasp) good will between fellow grown ups. I've seen the church burn pokemon dolls call star wars satan wars and all sorts of other crap. The modern church is SO far off from its original roots. Spread peace love acceptace and TOLERANCE. I love Jesus I just hate the church.
Tolerance is for 'Cafeteria Christians'.
By that I mean, Moral Relativists.
God was ABSOULTELY moral.
HE wasn't Relatively moral.
Therefore, only Absolutely Intolerant Christians can be God-like.
You must find a way to re-embrace the church.
For it is only in a church that you will be able to find Jesus.
And you're also wrong about when Jesus was born.
He was born Christmas night - around 10:00 pm.
That's why we open presents at that time.
QUOTE [For it is only in a church that you will be able to find Jesus.] END QUOTE
So.. you are saying that well before churchs existed, that people worshiping and taking fellowship in their own homes was not able to 'find' Jesus?
Oddly, I am fairly sure Jesus can be found 'outside' of a church, and that the entrance 'ticket' to heaven is not a bible in the hand..
About Santa, I grew up fairly poor and always felt I was being punished when I receive little or nothing from Santa
As a little kid ... I remember hitting the curbs for wrapping paper, boxes and rewrapping empty boxes... to give to my family... with cut outs from ads of what I 'would of' gotten them if I could of.. What I had asked Santa to get them but he did not deliver.
Santa is an idea that now puts such peer pressure on parents, kids and society.
Doodler
Church really doesn't have much meaning in an over materialistic society. You might find more satisfaction serving the hungery 1 day a week in a soup kitchen instead.
Actions speak louder then words.
Hi contrast. So many people seem to misunderstand the difference between faith and religion. I too no longer go to church because I became so tired of the "manmade legislation of morals" represented by most churches. Jesus had a very clear message that is not often represented by the discipline called religion.
If they are a political meeting points, then churches should py taxes. Then they wouldnt be able to buy up media outlets at the ferocious rate that they are
I, too, had bad experiences in church... when I was young. I stopped going until I started dating the girl who would later become my wife. She introduced me to the Catholic church (I was raised Seventh-Day Adventist) and I found it a very positive experience. Well, I'm not here to preach. Your post just reminded me of myself a few years ago.