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Aging God Fitted For Omni-Focals »

Posted by: ind06 1 year, 4 months ago

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THE ONION RADIO NEWS with Doyle Redland reporting: After an eternity of having to squint to make the best of his all-knowing vision the Lord has finally been fitted for a pair of omni-focals.

Read Full Story at theonion.com

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Comments So Far: 14

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ind061 year, 4 months ago

It doesn't matter that much to me, now that He's out of the lightning bolt throwing racket. But back when he was. Man, you want a guy with 20 / 20 for that kind of work.
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  deathray1 year, 4 months ago
  
  It's hard to get the details right when you can't see well.
  I hope the omni-focals weren't an out of pocket expense for the Deity, and were 100% covered in His health plan.
  Co-pays on omnifocals can be really expensive, you know, and God lives on a fixed income these days.
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    ciera-marie1 year, 4 months ago
    
    ind06 and deathray:
    I believe the omni-focals were covered because they were a medically necessity. I mean he was smiting the wrong people.
    What isn't covered are the hearing aids. We'll all just have to shout louder. Earplugs anyone?
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tehranchik1 year, 4 months ago

Omni-contacts--they don't make those yet.
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  ind061 year, 4 months ago
  
  Hey, for Him?
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    BronxBomber1 year, 4 months ago
    
    But if they do it'll put the twinkle back to His 20/20's,
    & not strike the wrong person dead this time.
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  ciera-marie1 year, 4 months ago
  
  tehranchik:
  If they did it wouldn't be covered under his insurance plan as they would for cosmetic reasons.
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zplan1 year, 4 months ago

Holy cow, How long has He been needing omnifocals? Oh man, think of the ramifications.
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uncle-dave1 year, 4 months ago

Who's going to be the first to call him "Four Eyes"?
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  ind061 year, 4 months ago
  
  Not me, man!
  I studied optotheology in college and there's a whole new ring of hell built just for people who say the "forbidden joke".
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RedRiverJ1 year, 4 months ago

Let's hope he doesn't need omni-dentures.
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dadesider1 year, 4 months ago

I got your omni-focals, right here...
Can God make a rock so heavy that he Himself cannot lift it???
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BronxBomber1 year, 4 months ago

Oh I thought I saw Him at Bauch and Lomb the other day.
Big guy? silked blue robe? bright fuzzy beard?
He had good taste though. He bought a pair of omni-focal Ray-Bans with 'wayfarer' frames.
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yvonne89551 year, 4 months ago

I'v got 20/20 at age 41. HA! So I guess I've got a keen advantage as I sneek into heaven and avoid hell.
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