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Jewish Texans Commemorate Holocaust...Texas-Style! »

Posted By ind06 10 months, 1 week ago in Humor
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THE ONION RADIO NEWS: With Doyle Redland reporting - Red, white and blue Texas blossoms spelling out "Don't mess with the Jews" decorate the annual holocaust hoedown in Lubbock today, as the Texas chapter of B'nai B'rith remembers the Jewish people's darkest hour.

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Comments So Far: 43
  • 0%
    ind0610 months, 1 week ago

    The KKK was planning a protest, but when they heard these were Texas Jews, mysteriously canceled.

    Reply
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      Beau789010 months, 1 week ago

      Can anyone get Kinky Friedman out here to tell us what he thinks of this idea?

      I've gotta tell you, kosher steer barbecue sounds delicious!

      Reply

      8 Replies

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      Searchbeam10 months, 1 week ago

      Watch out for party crashers! Some people are very good at disguising themselves as Texas Jews!

      LOL!

      Reply

      2 Replies

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      Spadecaller10 months, 1 week ago

      I was told that Texas Jews were inauthentic; but don't you believe it. I have saddle sores to prove it.

      Reply

      1 Reply

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        Spadecaller10 months, 1 week ago

        Oops...Oy Vey ...What is his shtick? This nudnik man, baddad, keeps chasing me with his silly little negs?

        Enough with the schmegegge already, huh?

        Reply
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        BronxBomber10 months, 1 week ago

        Great! I suppose my Bar Mitzvahs will be canceled on that day! ...Oy Vey! This whole thing is mishugah! Pardon me for kvetching yall!

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          uncle-dave10 months, 1 week ago

          What next?! A Bris too far, or Mohels Goin' Wild! Oy Vey!!!!!

          Reply

          3 Replies

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          CactusAnnie10 months, 1 week ago

          Texas Baby

          A Jewish Texan buys a round of drinks for all in the bar and announces that his wife has just given birth to a baby boy weighing 20 pounds which even for a Texan is atypical.

          Congratulations shower him from all around, and many exclamations of "Wow!" are heard. A woman faints due to sympathy pains.

          Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of the Texas baby who weighed 20 pounds at birth. How is he doing? What does he weigh now?"

          The proud father answers, "Fifteen pounds."

          The bartender is both puzzled and concerned. "Why? What happened? He already weighed 20 pounds at birth. How is it he lost so much weight?"

          The Texas father takes a slow swig from his long-neck Lone Star, wipes his lips on his shirtsleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, "Had the bris."

          Reply

          5 Replies

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            uncle-dave10 months, 1 week ago

            Oy Veyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!

            Reply

            3 Replies

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            uncle-dave10 months, 1 week ago

            Jews are the ultimate optimist. They're willing to cut something off before they know how long it's going to be.

            Reply
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            Daylight10 months, 1 week ago

            But they are rehearsing the Holocaust in Palestine with the help of the Europeans and the Americans.

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              Searchbeam10 months, 1 week ago

              How do you say "Shut Up!" in authentic Yiddish?

              Reply

              7 Replies

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                Dicax_Maximus10 months, 1 week ago

                Foxtrot Romeo Oscar springs to mind....

                As for Day, I blocked it months ago.... Saves mocking the afflicted !

                Reply

                1 Reply

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                zimm10 months, 1 week ago

                In this case, something like "gey kaken auf en yam" works. It actually means "go take a whizz in the ocean", but it sounds so much better in Yiddish...

                Reply

                2 Replies

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                aceofspades110 months, 1 week ago

                How do you say "Shut Up!" in authentic Yiddish

                F off schmuck usually works

                Reply
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                  slate10 months, 1 week ago

                  I don't know but I think a close one would be Shuddup yer Pie Hole ya Putz?

                  Reply
                • 0%
                  aceofspades110 months, 1 week ago

                  Gaikakn works too

                  Reply

                  1 Reply

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                    Dicax_Maximus10 months, 1 week ago

                    Aceof - Now that's a new one to me, could you let me know (semantically) what it means ???

                    Reply
                  • 0%
                    aceofspades110 months, 1 week ago

                    cont>>>

                    "well", I replied we bought the car new & not being Christian & wanting something to safely guide us & since we could not use St. Christofer, my son who was studying Japanese culture suggested we use a Shinto Diety -

                    GAI-KAKN who guided the Samuri off to war"

                    He answered "thats not the meaning in Yiddish" - "What is it then?", I asked-

                    "you won't be offended if I tell you?", he replied.

                    "Of course not"

                    "OK," he said ,"it means go chit!"

                    "NO CHIT!!" I replied

                    So that's the meaning DM

                    Reply

                    1 Reply

                  • 0%
                    aceofspades110 months, 1 week ago

                    WOW first part was lost - makes no sense - here it is again

                    Reply
                    • 0%
                      aceofspades110 months, 1 week ago

                      Several years ago I wanted a special model car, it was hard to find & I had to go upstate & get one that was meant for export to Canada. When I got home my nextdoor neighbor had the exact duplicate & really got P.O.ed because he thought I copied him. So I got a vanity plate with "GAIKAKN",he would have to see it everytime he came home.

                      After 4 years I got a package of new plates from the NYS DMV - a note told me my plates were deemed offensive & I should changes them immediately.

                      I called the DMV & asked why - they told me if the word is offensive in any language I must change the plate.

                      "What's offensive" I asked - he said it was in Yiddish & asked me how I pronounced it & what I thought it meant- cont...

                      Reply
                      • 0%
                        aceofspades110 months, 1 week ago

                        cont>>>

                        "well", I replied we bought the car new & not being Christian & wanting something to safely guide us & since we could not use St. Christofer, my son who was studying Japanese culture suggested we use a Shinto Diety -

                        GAI-KAKN who guided the Samuri off to war"

                        He answered "thats not the meaning in Yiddish" - "What is it then?", I asked-

                        "you won't be offended if I tell you?", he replied.

                        "Of course not"

                        "OK," he said ,"it means go chit!"

                        "NO CHIT!!" I replied

                        So that's the meaning DM

                        Reply
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