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Car-Wash Employee Tragically Simonized »

Posted By ind06 4 months, 2 weeks ago in Humor

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THE ONION RADIO NEWS: With Doyle Redland reporting - Speedee Kleen Car Wash buffing specialist Jeffrey Mullhern is listed in extremely shiny condition at a local hospital after a near-fatal waxing.

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ind06

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Comments So Far: 33

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ind064 months, 2 weeks ago

Speedee Kleen has initiated a fund for Mr. Mullhern's family. Car wash owner John S. Kleen said, "It didn't feel right just to shine them on."
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Beeboppin714 months, 2 weeks ago

I once had a near fatal bikini waxing from a Taiwanese lady on the south side of Chicago. EEEE! AHHH!
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  ind064 months, 2 weeks ago
  
  Yowch!
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- ranchhandComment removed: User banned.3 Replies
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    Beeboppin714 months, 2 weeks ago
    
    LOL! Because it was a bikini waxing or because the Taiwanese lady almost killed me?
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        Beeboppin714 months, 2 weeks ago
        
        Thanks for the clarification!
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uncle-dave4 months, 2 weeks ago

I didn't know wax was so dangerous.
http://www.matchdoctor.com/blog_47706/Waxing_-_...

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  Beeboppin714 months, 2 weeks ago
  
  So, when were you planning to wax Uncle Dave? I think all men should try it just once. Well, that and child birth. They both inflict equal amounts of pain.
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    uncle-dave4 months, 2 weeks ago
    
    Oh no! I exceeded my pain tolerance level just reading that article!
    
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      Beeboppin714 months, 2 weeks ago
      
      Chicken!
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        uncle-dave4 months, 2 weeks ago
        
        Plucker.
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        ind064 months, 2 weeks ago
        
        Wax On
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        uncle-dave4 months, 2 weeks ago
        
        Wax off! YEEEEOOOOWWWWW!!
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        7 Replies
        
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        Ciera-Marie4 months, 2 weeks ago
        
        Hey ind and Uncle Dave more and more men (say one of the articles here on propeller, the net and "News") are succumbing to the pressure to get plastic surgery, spa treatments (including waxing of not just eyebrows, backs and chests {okay if you're very hairy the back and chest will hurt. The more you do it the easier it is, but then I say get the laser hair removal. Cheaper.} and other nether regions) and waxing.
        I agree with bee men should try both once. Glad to see men havbe to do similar things we women have been doing for years to keep our jobs. Bout time too!
        My theory is since more men are getting waxed it should become less painful for all of us.
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        ranchhandComment removed: User banned.3 Replies
        
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        icono14 months, 2 weeks ago
        
        They say a gentle touch makes the kitty purr.
        It do work.
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        ind064 months, 2 weeks ago
        
        I for one am shocked, shocked at your "nudge, nudge, wink, wink dual etrander! This is a family thread!
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        icono14 months, 2 weeks ago
        
        Well he made me say it! I couldn't resist! It was just there on the tip of my tounge and it slipped out!!!!!
        hahahahahaha!!!!!!
        Your right, it is a family thread. I need to go to my room and watch 'The Dukes of Hazard' and read the NY Post as a time out treat.
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        Beau78904 months, 2 weeks ago
        
        CM, you said this about waxing:
        "Glad to see men havbe to do similar things we women have been doing for years to keep our jobs."
        Exactly what kind of job do you have that requires waxing?
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        ranchhandComment removed: User banned.
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      Ciera-Marie4 months, 2 weeks ago
      
      Big baby. Eyebrows are nothing. Bee's right Childbirth is beyond belief.
      I'd pay money to a. see a man get waxed and b. give birth
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        uncle-dave4 months, 2 weeks ago
        
        CM, men pride themselves with their ability to solve problems with innovation. I am no exception. I have to tell you that I am quite the garage inventor (in my case actually it's a chicken coup), and I have been working on a device that will replace painful waxing and costly laser hair removal. With some simple modifications a ordinary household microwave oven can be used with "relative" safety to remove unwanted hair.
        
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        uncle-dave4 months, 2 weeks ago
        
        By simply removing the door and by-passing those STOOPID "safety" controls and the judicious use of some strategically placed aluminum foil one can pretty much safely remove unwanted body hair and a few layers of skin as well. I know what you're thinking, you think that microwave ovens are heavy and bulky, and you are right. But once you remove the door and those unnecessary safety devices you'll drop 5 lbs. off of that bad boy! An extra bonus is that along with hair and sometimes tattoo removal you get the benefit of weight training! YOU MUST KEEP IT MOVING!! Not unlike a floor sander you can never allow it to stand still! NEVER!
        As soon as I am released from the Johns Hopkins burn unit I'm going to tweak that thing a little and give it another try! Would anyone like to be my "skin donor buddy"?
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        itsme24 months, 2 weeks ago
        
        Oh great Uncle Dave now some stupid kids gonna see that in here and try it! LOL, That will be our next warning lable!
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        uncle-dave4 months, 2 weeks ago
        
        You worry too much, itsme2. I was a stupid kid, and I survived that and grew up to be a a reasonably incompetent stupid adult!
        Darwin shmarwin!
        
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        icono14 months, 2 weeks ago
        
        Darwin shmarwin nothing, get a load of this;
        My mother was very competent at everything where as my father was very incompetent at most everything so I grew up being very competent at being incompetent. I've even won awards and been the topic of conversation at work because of this unique ability I inherited. Also, no one asks me to fix the kitchen sink or commode; I mean no one.
        Now that's evolution.
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        ind064 months, 2 weeks ago
        
        I think it's time to get the kids interested in evolution. And we all know how to get the kids to like something. You make it "cool". Being "cool" myself, I find this an easy task. No longer will we refer to evolution as "evolution", too many syllables! Desperately un-cool!
        It's now to be known as the supra-hep "Volve'" [pronounced VOL-vay]
        I can make you guys "cooler" just by using this new term!
        Very volve' of you icono1, Uncle Dave!
        See how "cool" you've become!
        :)
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        uncle-dave4 months, 2 weeks ago
        
        Thanks for making me and icono1 cool indy.
        Did icono1 say he had a commode in his kitchen? 'Cause if he did I think that is way cool!
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        icono14 months, 2 weeks ago
        
        My cousin from WVa, Willy 'The Hammer of Thor' Gunderhof, thinks the commode in the kitchen thing is a cool idea cause his current g-friend/wife has this ability to 'hit the head'(this always takes between 30 min to 2hr depending on the 'immediate need') whenever he has to drain the snake after a day of 'taste tasting' beer and other homebrewed concoctions.
        He is 'Volving'.
        Too Cool.......
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    y_soitenly4 months, 2 weeks ago
    
    Beeboppin71,
    re: "They both inflict equal amounts of pain."
    It can't be that bad... if it were, women would stop having babies.
    Um, you never heard of laser hair removal?
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chevydog4 months, 2 weeks ago

But at least he's protected if he walks out in the rain.
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